May 29, 2010 --- 12:34 AM

I don't think most people expected their lives to be the way that all panned out. The world's difficult enough without playing horrendous games of "what if?" or "maybe if I hadda". But anything can almost make sense at three in the morning, regardless of how solid your heart is or how much backbone you pride yourself on. If I've learned anything on this planet, it's that life goes on. That and life's never the way it was in your adolescent dress rehearsal. I've experienced the usual five course dining experience known as regret. Yet despite all my literary bitching and complaining and although I might've been sick as a mongrel dog after eating feral catshit, I still kept coming back to the table. I'm not a glutton for punishment or some passive-agressive sadomasocist. I'm a decently raised southern boy with a penchant for science fiction and pretty much anything deep fat fried. And I believe in all the usual bullshit: America, apple pie and the capacity for universal peace and understanding. I'm not some kum-bi-ya type, sitting on a lotus flower and waiting for the kingdom at hand. I'm just an average, God-fearing cocksucker that hasn't had life bring him down to the point of bitterness. Bringing you up to speed, I guess we can move forward with our campfire story. Just a little sumpin sumpin to scare the kiddies after the hot dogs but before the marshmellows. The wide-eyed dreams you have at eighteen will not be the reality you see around you at the ripe old age of thirty-eight. There, I've said it. After almost hearing the collective gasp in cyberspace, I'll go on further to say that all adults know this to be true. Nobody's out to snowjob those precious children (O Lordy no), it's just they just don't want you to feel that your life is as precarious as it really is. Consider the adage, "the customer is always right". Of course the customer isn't always right. That's something we just tell you to make you feel better. Being a grown-up isn't one's age, it's the hard won knowledge that the sacrifices you make might not mean jack shit in the real world. So, in the middle of the all this cap-throwing bru-ha-ha, know then that you'd better live it up and take plenty of pictures. Because it's the last hoora before the six-thirty alarm clock wakes your ass up for work in the morning.

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